Onion Ring Obit

Sonic's claim to food fame is the onion ring, and today (for the first time ever) I had a bad batch. This is no small statement considering how many of these onion rings I've eaten. When I was a teenager, my parents owned a Sonic Drive-In franchise where I worked as a roller skating car hop. This job meant roller disco across the parking lot when business was slow, 64 ounce drinks tossed into the air when skate wheels came to a sudden stop because someone threw a piece of candy on the ground, and spending prep hours making onion rings. One of my jobs early in the shift was to help my mom peel, slice, and ring fifty pounds of onions. (By the way, she did this daily, while I was only subject to weekends and summers.) These rings were then dropped into a tub of ice-cold water which began the assembly line process. From the water, the rings went into a tub of flour, a tub of shake mix (which had just come out of the walk-in fridge at a finger-numbing 40 degrees), and finally a tub of crumbs for the outer coating. The prepped rings were placed in tight, neat rows on plastic trays which were stored in the cooler until they were dropped into the fryer. This process produces the best onion rings known to man. They are crispy and golden on the outside with full slices of real onion goodness on the inside. The shake mix adds a touch of sweetness to the coating and balances out the oil. They don't need salt, pepper, or ketchup. Piping hot rings go into a waxy paper bag and out to a waiting car as each order is filled on request.

Today, though, was a different story. When my rings arrived for an after school snack before running errands, they were not the perfect onion munchy I have known, loved, and eaten for three decades. To begin with, my bag of goodies was only about three quarters full, instead of the brimming cornucopia I have come to expect. In addition, they were old. The warmth emanating from them was that of a heat lamp, not a dip in the restaurant's fryer. The onions were chewy and the coating had lost its crunch. I ate them in dismay, hoping to discover that the first ring was a fluke. A few were better along the way as if a new order and an old order had been mixed and sent out. The disappointment was so crushing I decided I'd just have to make my own from now on.

I have done this before when we lived in small towns that didn't sport a Sonic to feed my habit. Along the way I have discovered that melted vanilla ice cream is a good substitute for shake mix (which is merely a liquid base poured into an ice cream machine for stirring and freezing). In addition, I use the plain packaged bread crumbs for my final coating because I like the fine texture. Lately I have considered trying Panko crumbs for extra crispiness, but I can't bring myself to stray from the tried and true.

I suppose I should count this as yet another lesson on the waste of eating out. While my desire for Sonic onion rings may be dying, my general craving was not sated. So, if I can find some vanilla ice cream in the freezer, tomorrow will be a feast!