To Meat or Not to Meat; That Is the Question

I have a confession to make. For the last four or five years I have been a vegetarian - sort of. I have continued to eat fish on a regular basis, but chicken, beef, pork, and the like have been off the menu. The problem is I've been craving the stuff lately.

A couple of weeks ago I began considering culinary school, and oddly enough one of the first thoughts that came to mind was, "I'll have to eat meat." This sounds strange, I know, being forced to eat non-vegetable food stuffs might be some kind of punishment - or reward. As a rule, meat has never been at the top of my list for oral gratification. I adore spices and sauces, fruits and sorbets, vegetables and cheeses. When meat was part of the picture, it was never the star, simply the supporting cast member that made the wonderfulness possible. Then, I became a mom and empathy for every living thing in the world multiplied by a million. How could I eat that poor cow or pig? Isn't it really akin to cooking my loving pet for dinner? Just look in any animal's eyes and tell me it can't feel. More and more often I couldn't pick up the steak or chicken at the grocery, and I couldn't even take a bite of my husband's during a dinner out. At some point I stopped eating animals altogether, for awhile.

That foray into vegetarianism lasted the first five years of my son's life, but something happened. Somewhere along the way I began to hanker for a bite of hickory smoked bacon or a slice of the sugar-cured holiday ham that graced my buffet table every Christmas. I began to consider how much better the biscuits would be crumbled and smothered in peppery sausage gravy. The chicken breasts my husband lined up on the grill for our Fourth of July guests smelled heavenly as they dripped their smoky-sweet marinade onto the smoldering coals. Eventually, I gave it to my baser instincts and began eating meat once again.

Over time, though, I found myself becoming dissatisfied with the treatment of farm animals and the addition of hormones and chemicals to meat products. Once again, I began eating less and less until I stopped completely, which is how I've lived in recent years. However, my resolve is beginning to slip. The thought of slow-cooker pork barbecue sandwiches makes me salivate. The mention of spicy orange chicken with confetti rice fires my imagination. Every time I turn on Food Network, I can almost smell the sizzling meat that glistens on my television screen.

So what's a cook with a conscience to do? Vegetables just aren't inspiring me these days, but meat seems inhumane. The idea of "humane meat" is not new, but it has been slow in catching on. The Certified Humane Raised and Handled label is backed by many non-profit agencies including the Humane Society of the United States and the ASPCA. The problem is that not many stores carry the products. (The website offers a list of stores and restaurants by state.) So, if certified humane meat is not readily available in a given area, the next option is to order it online. (The Certified Humane website also offers a list of companies complete with links to their own websites.) In theory this sounds like a good idea, but in reality I am skeptical. Presumably the products will be frozen, and should be able to be shipped fairly quickly, but common sense indicates they will thaw in transit. In addition, living in southern Arizona presents a more intense heat/defrost problem than most places in the country. The cost, too, seems high at $6 to $10 per pound before tax and shipping. When the whole point of eating at home is to save money, it feels counterproductive to buy meat this way. My conscience says it might be worth the price, but my wallet says we can't afford it.

So, what is a basically vegetarian girl to do? Perhaps moderation is the key. After all, Ben Franklin said everything was fine in moderation. I'll continue mulling this question, but I suspect a meat dish is in my near future. Sorry Bessy.