Famine and Feast

Decent food is sorely lacking during travel. As a matter of fact, finding anything to eat at all might be difficult. When my son and I boarded a plane yesterday morning at about 7 a.m. (after being told to move to a shorter - yet much slower - line to check a bag and wading through the hassle of shoeless security checks) we were faced with the dilemma of what to eat for breakfast. (Yes, we could have eaten before we left the house, but frankly it was just too darn early.) Beverage service (with a friendly smile, believe it or not) was accompanied by a mini banana muffin - only. Luckily I had packed a couple of snacks in the carry-on, so the boy polished off a small bag of teriyaki beef jerky while I opted to wait for something better which did not come along for many more hours.

When we arrived in Houston our connecting flight was 45 minutes and an entire concourse away. By the time we reached the designated gate, the plane was boarding our rows. Thus, we did not have an opportunity to find food between flights (heavy sigh). However, at this point we were both pretty hungry, so we decided to purchase a box lunch on board. (On our last trip these were available for about $5 and included a sandwich, a bag of chips, a piece of fruit, and a couple of cookies.) Unfortunately, no food was available for purchase on board. We were given a tiny bag of tiny pretzels along with a drink, but we were not given any other options. Think about that for a minute. You could purchase beer, wine, and a wide assortment of hard liquor, but you can't buy a little lunch meat and cheese stuck between a couple slices of bread. Go figure.

Needless to say, by the time we landed in Nashville, both of us were starving, so our next opportunity for food was Mickey D's on the highway - and we took the first opportunity we found! A quick pit stop yielded enough sustenance to carry us to Sevierville, where we finally had real food. Upon arrival at my parents' house, we were treated to a homemade pasta dish featuring sliced smoked sausage, veggies, and a myriad of Italian spices. Ahh...satisfaction at last. (It was so good Mom and I had another round for lunch today, though we treated the boy to his semi-annual burger binge at Krystal's after a morning of outlet shopping.)

Meanwhile, Jeff spent some time in Laughlin. Here's what he had to say about his gastronomical experiences.

The days of going to Nevada and eating a thick, juicy, cheap prime rib and lobster tail for next to nothing (excluding what you fed to the one-armed bandits in the lobby) are over. You can still get a prime rib and mashed potatoes for less than $10.00 if you join the casino club and eat dinner between 4:00 and 6:00 p.m., but other than that there seems to be no cheap food in Laughlin.


While my wife and son traveled to Tennessee, I hit the road with my parents to celebrate my mother’s (specific year withheld) birthday. The trip was both fantastic and disappointing. We had a great time in spite of our rooms not being ready and a less than helpful front desk staff. If you’re asking “What do you do in Laughlin when you can’t check in?” you have obviously never been there. We decided to hit the coffee shop! Our waiter was very polite, working extra hard for that tip. I think we mentioned that we had just arrived so he could smell cash in our wallets and he responded like piranha with blood in the water. Mom and Dad had a Reuben that looked decadently delicious. The meat was piled so high they needed a knife and fork to eat the sandwich, and (based on the rapidity in which it disappeared) it was either wonderful or my parents hadn’t eaten in at least 72 hours. I had a a Philly cheese-steak which is one of my all-time favorite sandwiches to eat out. It was passable. The roll was a little too thick, the meat a little too sparse, and it was so hot that it seemed like it had just come out of the microwave. Yes, the microwave. On a redeeming note, all of our sandwiches were pared with some of the best thick cut steak fries I’ve had in a long time. When all was said and done our lunch ended up costing around $30.00 before tax and tip. (Did I mention how hard our waiter was angling for a tip?) It wasn’t a bad meal at all. I may have chosen poorly, and if given the opportunity to turn back time I would try the Reuben, but mostly I felt that the meal cost more than it was worth.

When dinner time came, Mom wanted to celebrate her birthday by going to the steak house. Signs all over the hotel extolled the virtues of this grand grotto of gourmet grilling. (If that’s too much alliteration just remember that I’m trying to impress my wife.) Upon walking in we asked the hostess for the quietest corner in the restaurant. We were assured that the table right in the middle was actually the farthest away from any of the speakers that were blasting music at levels I haven’t enjoyed since high school. The menu was varied and included prime rib (not the $9.99 variety), sirloin, filet mignon, porter house, lobster tails, prawns, pasta, chicken and pork. I was all set to dig in to a prime rib, but was side tracked by a photo of an enormously thick cut pork chop grilled to perfection. Having a weakness for good pork chops, my mind was made up. Mom ordered a medium rare ribeye slathered in blue cheese butter. Dad said “I’ll have exactly what she is having.” He did the same thing at lunch and I think it is his way of compensating for the noise in the restaurants which, when amplified by his hearing aids, makes any conversation with him very difficult.

While we waited for the kitchen staff to breed the livestock and raise it to maturity (Speediness was not their strong suit.), we snacked on a truly wonderful beer bread. It had a light airy texture, a sweet taste and a slight after taste of beer that made it the highlight of the meal. It was a unique creation that I hope to replicate at home. (Okay, I hope to describe it well enough that Jen will replicate it at home.) When the meal finally arrived we were pleased. All talking stopped as our mouths became quite busy with the matter at hand. The steaks and chops were grilled to perfection. Once again, however, I noticed where the excesses of yesteryear have disappeared. Our steaks were delivered to the table with a choice of soup or salad and the potato. No green vegetable(!) - just meat and potatoes. While it struck me as odd, I didn’t miss them because the meal was beyond filling. Still, for nearly $30.00 a plate would it have hurt them to chop up a zucchini, steam a broccoli, or slice a carrot if for no other reason to add a little color?

With dinner firmly packed in our stomachs we were off for more gaming. We won, we lost, we won, we lost, mostly we lost, but we got to play which makes it easier to give the casino your money.

This morning we went to my favorite part of the Nevada casino experience THE BREAKFAST/BRUNCH BUFFET!!!!!! The $2.50 all you can eat buffet no longer exists and brunch ran us around $10.00 a person, but I still think this may have been the best meal of the three. It was pretty standard buffet fare with the addition of an amazing fried apple crepe that was rolled in cinnamon sugar. Think of combining a French crepe with a Mexican taquito and stuffing it with American apple pie filling. (See, different countries can get along.) I had to go back for seconds on that! And thirds! The best part about the buffet was that it was quiet. We could actually talk to one another. The wait staff was friendly but unobtrusive, quick to refill glasses, clear plates and to laugh at my lame attempts at humor. The background music was in the background. The food was hot, fresh, and plentiful.

After breakfast Mom and I hit the casino one more time before driving home. Neither of us won anything monetarily, but we did win some quality time together. (I can hear my son now, “What quality dad?") Even though I see my mom several times a week, it is usually when she volunteers in my classroom and we don’t really get a chance to talk. I had a great time reminiscing about family members who have passed, catching up on family members who are still around, complaining about politicians (Isn’t it great that no matter which side of the political spectrum you’re on nowadays we all agree that all politicians are stupid and corrupt?), and making plans for the future. Happy birthday, Mom! I look forward to celebrating many more with you.