Scenes of a Caffeine Junkie

The cup of coffee taunts me, calls to me from across the room. If only it were mine. How can that woman ignore its steaming goodness so nonchalantly? For 10 minutes she has not so much as looked at the tall, slender cup sitting on her desk.

When her assistant produced it from a drink carrier, she merely removed the lid, sniffed the contents, and placed it on her blotter. Now the agony of the aroma is tugging at my brain, hinting at the chocolate overtones and creamy foam doused in liquid caramel. I don’t think I can stand it anymore! I need a plan.

Maybe I could create a distraction to lure her from the area while I abscond with her java treasure. Then what? She’ll notice the cup is missing, so I’ll have to hide it somewhere. But where? The conference room! I could take it to the conference room and drink it sitting in the dark. No, someone will notice my absence. Let’s see… I could put the lid back on and set it in the bottom drawer of my desk. It’s not likely anyone will actually stage a search for a missing cup of coffee. But, then how will I drink it?

The thought of it just sitting there, waiting, is driving me insane. I must have that coffee! Oh…her assistant is calling her to the reception area. I’ll just walk over to her desk and have a sip or two. … Oh my God, the cup is so warm on my fingers. Mmmm… I can feel the hot liquid coating my throat and radiating outward.

“What? What am I doing? Just leaving this report on the boss’s desk.”

That was close! I can’t believe her nosy assistant walked back in so quickly. Oh well, now that I’ve tasted the coffee surely I can get some work done.
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How long is she going to leave that cup just sitting there? Why did she have her assistant buy it if she wasn’t going to drink it? At this rate it’ll be cold before she even tastes it. Obviously she doesn’t want it, but she doesn’t want me to have it either or she would have offered it up by now. What a witch! I must find a way to save that coffee from the horrific fate of becoming cold and bitter only to be poured down the drain in waste. After all, starving children in Africa would cry out for even one drink of that lovely coffee. What to do…what to do?

I’ve got it. I need to create a fairly large diversion. Would a flaming ream of paper do it? Probably, but that might also set off the sprinklers and the water would ruin the coffee. Could I jam the copier somehow? She’d just send her assistant to fix it. Oh…oh, I’ve got it! I’ll call her soon-to-be-ex-husband and tell him she’s in the midst of a nervous break down and wants to reconcile, but he’ll have to come over right now! That should create a big enough commotion in the lobby that security will summon her to straighten out the mess, and I’m sure her toady of an assistant will tag along to watch the fireworks. That will give me plenty of time to deal with the coffee.

“Martin? It’s Jen. I just want you to know that Samantha really misses you. She just hasn’t been herself since you broke up. … Well, I wouldn’t call except I think she really needs you. She’s shut her office door and seems to be crying uncontrollably. … No, I don’t know why, but I’m worried about her. … I’m so glad you’ll come right over. I think you may even convince her to take you back if you hurry. … Bye.”

It shouldn’t be long now; after all, his office is right across the street. My lips are tingling in anticipation of that coffee. … Oh, I hear something in reception. … Her phone’s ringing … Boy, does she look angry! Huh, and there goes her assistant hot on her heels like a yapping dog. Here’s my chance! I’ll just pour that coffee right into my trusty Harley mug and no one will be the wiser.
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“No, Samantha, I just can’t believe how low Martin will stoop to get your attention. I should call him up and give him a piece of my mind for lying about me that way. What a jerk! … I think you should take the rest of the day off. Your assistant and I can handle things here. Just go home.”
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“Hey Jackie, before Samantha left she said how much she enjoyed that coffee this morning. I think it made her feel like someone cared about her. Could you bring her another cup tomorrow? Great!”